A Harmless Prank
by Sam Morales of Sabertooth
Summary: Oliver Wood is sexually confused. Fred and George Weasly decide to help... in their mischievous way. Rated M. Fred & George Weasly/Oliver Wood oneshot.


**Hullo! I decided to go with a new ship again and these three were the first to come to mind. I love the twins and oliver is sexy as hell. always fantasized about a threesome with these guys**

 **NOTE: this is NOT incest! It's fred AND george slash oliver! Basically, the twins fuck oliver, not each other (kinda spoiler for the fic but i had to make that clear).**

 **Important: the riddles belong to** ToAcErTaInKiTsUnE **in deviantart! Props to him/her for coming up with those sick riddles!**

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 **HARRY POTTER**

A Harmless Prank

 _A Fred & George Weasly/Oliver Wood Oneshot_

-"Riddle me this, Oli."- Asked Fred, hitting his brother's shoulder.

Oliver Wood, who was on his way to Quidditch practice with the Weasly twins at his side, rolled his eyes. He flitted a hand to his face, to hide the growing warmth spreading over his cheeks, and began walking faster, -"Oh, not this again. And _don't_ call me that. I'm your captain, for Merlin's sake."

The twins, of course, ignored him, -"I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?"- Said George, grinning mischievously.

Oliver's feet halted and he swallowed thickly. The warmth from his cheeks spread to his ears and temples as the first thought that came to his mind was... _inappropriate,_ to put it mildly. Why are they embarrassing him like this? Of course, the twins were famous for their pranks and jokes but this has gotten too far.

-"I... I don't know,"- Oliver replied, shrugging and trying to appear cool, -"What is it?"

Fred and George moved forward, in front of Oliver, and looked at each other, grinning. A cold shiver ran down Oliver's spine. He knew those faces too well.

-"That's no fun."- Said George, tutting and shaking his head.

-"Don't tell us you've forgotten the rules of the game already, Oli."- Added Fred.

Gods, Oliver hates that acronym, -"Don't call me that."- He spat by instinct.

-"You're supposed to _guess_ , Oli."- Fred ignored him.

-"I said—"

-"And say the first thing that comes to that bawdy head of yours."- George finished, poking Oliver's forehead.

-"B—bawdy?"- Oliver scoffed, swatting George's fingers away and leaning on his own broom to appear casual, -"What makes you think that?"

-"Tell us, then."- Fred challenged, looking smug.

-"If you're as innocent as you claim to be it shouldn't be too hard, right?"- George winked at him.

Oliver's heart joggled and he looked away, blinking to clear his mind of that image. He gulped. There was sweat trickling down his temple, -"Okay, fine. Whatever. Make it quick."

-"Right,"- Fred cleared his throat, -"I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?"

Oliver nearly gasped, jolting and causing his broom to fall. Pictures of cocks did _not_ just flashed in his mind! -"Hey! Th—that's cheating! Not fair."

-"We just changed the riddle, Oli. Get off your high horse."- George snickered in his hands.

-"Getting worked up, eh?"- Fred drawled, wriggling his eyebrows and elbowing Oliver's ribs, -"What'd you think of?"

The Quidditch captain pushed his teammate and dusted his uniform, looking for a way to dissimulate his increasing fluster, -"Nothing because I was thinking of the _other_ riddle."

-"Oh really?"- George raised an eyebrow.

-"Then tell us."

-"I can't. That riddle's old, expired. Remember the rules?"- It was Oliver's turn to look smug, proud of himself for one-upping the twins. Two against one was difficult though, -"Just tell me the answer."

Again, Fred and George looked at each other and came to a mutual, silent agreement, -"The answer was toothbrush, of course!"- They said at the same time.

Oliver Wood wanted to hit himself.

-"Simple, wasn't it, Oli?"- Fred said, -"Who would've thought it was something else?"

-"It can't possibly be anything else, can it, Oli?"- George asked.

-"Y—yeah,"- Oliver replied, avoiding the twin's eyes and running a hand through his neck. The _sweat!_ -"Who could be so stupid?"- If only they stopped calling him that—!

-"Now answer the new one."

-" _New_ , Oli. No excuses this time."- Fred warned, wagging his finger at Oliver in an elderly fashion.

-"It's, um—"- He ran his tongue over his lips and nibbled on them, thinking hard on his answer. Saying the first thing that came to his mind was unacceptable, -"Er—"- He just had to say anything— _anything at all—_ and the game was over. The _dicks_ flying around his head didn't let him think about anything else _(nothing new there, Oliver!)_. What was he supposed to do?

-"A chewing gum,"- The twins replied simultaneously, -"Easy."

-"Yeah, yeah. Easy,"- Oliver coughed, yanked the collar of his uniform and resumed his walking, mustering all his professionalism, -"Now, if we're done playing childish games, let's go to the practice. The others are waiting."

Fred and George followed him without a word, which was odd, but Oliver was content enough not to wonder or ask their cause for silence. It was quite unnerving, like they were plotting something in their mischievous minds, and it made Oliver sweat more. As he walked, he realized he was utterly _drenched_. The things those two do to him...

They met with the other team members, who questioned his whereabouts and lateness (of course he didn't divulged), and commenced their training. Young Harry Potter was there, the good boy. Always so punctual and loyal. Oliver was proud.

If only Oliver could focus as much as Harry was.

The Weasly's riddles were echoing in his mind, repeating over and over again like a broken disc, hunting his thoughts. It was utterly _maddening_. Pictures of dicks littered his vision again and made him fail as a Keeper in the practice. Bludgers hit his face and body more than once and he almost fell from his broom. The others booed him jokingly or patted his back, but Oliver didn't felt any better.

Fred and George couldn't have meant for the riddles to sound so... obscene, right? Mountain trepidation made his clutch on his broom weaken. Those two were scheming something. Something about him. _To_ him. It's been awhile since Oliver last dated a girl and there were rumors going around that he was queer. Oliver refused to believe it, but he couldn't explain how he, recently, started dreaming more about cocks than fannies, waking up hot and wet between his legs with boners as hard as his broomstick. He was confused and Fred and George weren't helping his case with the ridiculous riddles. With the sexual jokes, the winks, and the _blasted_ "Oli".

-"Time out!"- Oliver yelled. He really couldn't do this in this state, no matter how many times he slapped himself silly.

-"Huh? But we've barely even started!"- Someone complained.

Oliver flew down to the ground, with a hand at the back of his head, -"I'm—er—not feeling like myself today."

-"What's wrong?"

-"Nothing. I just... need to rest, s'all,"- Oliver waved his hand and started trudging towards the restroom, -"Dismissed."

The team murmured among themselves, probably watching as Oliver walked all the way to the loo and lock himself in. He decided that a nice, warm bath was all he needed to clear his head.

Just as he undressed to his boxers, two very familiar boys entered the washroom. Oliver gasped, startled out of his wits, and glowered at the twins, -"Can't you two leave me alone? I'm trying to take a shower here!"

-"Moot argument, Oli."

-"Loo's public."

-"Whatever. I don't care,"- Oliver gestured the twins to the door, -"Door's still there. Go away."

-"Last riddle, I swear on George's bad jokes."- Said Fred, flitting a jand to his chest and bending slightly.

-"Hey!"

-"I'm not playing your—"

-"If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?"

Any other veto died in Oliver's suddenly dried mouth as his head, once again, was brimming with pictures of cocks; jiggling and slimy, ranging from the smallest to the biggest and largest. From the most hairy to the cleanest. He gulped two times, trying to wet his dried throat to say something, but he was defeated by the ingenuity and cleverness of the Weasly twins.

-" _Bzzzzt_ , time's over."- George said, moving closer to Oliver.

-"You lost, Oli."- Said Fred next.

Oliver shrugged and turned around, -"Like I care. Now can you _please_ leave?"- He walked to his knapsack where he stored his sweaty uniform not long ago, searching for his soap and shampoo, -"And stop calling me _that."-_ He added with a frustrated sigh.

But Fred and George didn't leave; they moved around Oliver, with Fred at his front and George at his back, and the Quidditch captain was forced to straighten up and forget his bag, -"What're you doing?"

-"We're gonna _show_ you the answer, won't we, George?"- Asked Fred, winking.

-"Indeed we will, Fred."

-"If this is another one of your pranks, it's not funny."- Oliver complained, feeling hot and tight between the twins. What were these two plotting?

-"Naw, don't worry,"- Said George from behind, -"It's a harmless prank—well, it _may_ hurt. Just a little."

-"What do you mean—?"- Oliver tried to turn around to face George but he was pinned in place.

-"But we promise you're gonna love it in the end."- Added Fred, as if to comfort Oliver but it wasn't working.

-"Think of it as a lesson."- George stated.

-"A _very_ good one."- Fred agreed.

-"But you gotta get rid of this, Oli."- Said George, tugging at Oliver's boxer.

Oliver gasped, feeling George's finger brushing his skin, and tried to turn around again but two sturdy hands were pinning him down, -"Hey! What do you think you're—?"

-"I'll help."- Said Fred, shamelessly hooking two fingers on the hem of Oliver's underwear.

-"St—"- It was too late for Oliver to protest; he was already naked and two tall bodies were pressing on him. They undressed quickly, tossing their garments to the floor unceremonously. Oliver gasped again, but it came out choked and short; his heart was hammering against his ribs and he couldn't breathe properly. He was also trying very hard _not_ to look down.

-"Ready, Fred?"- George asked.

-"Ready."- Replied Fred.

Oliver tried pushing himself off by placing the palms of his hands on Fred's naked chest, but he only managed to press himself back against George. A startled yelp escaped his lips when the twin at his back gripped his hips and grinded his middle against his rear. He yelped louder when he felt an unmistakable erection prodding his entrance.

-"George!"- He shouted, moving forward only to tighten the space between him and Fred. No matter how much he tried, Oliver was stuck between the twins, with no escape, and he couldn't say he felt adverse towards it. He noticed his efforts to fight the twin's clutches were meager.

In truth, the twin's closeness aroused him; their skins hot against his own, their hands on his hips, their breaths bristling his hair, and most importantly, George's phallus jabbing the girth of his backdoor.

-"Relax, Oli."- Fred whispered, leaning his face closer to Oliver's to lick his chin, who exhaled through his mouth as his head lolled back to give Fred more of his skin.

-"Like we said, you're gonna love this."- George murmured sultrily in his ear, kissing and sucking Oliver's earlobe between his teeth to give it a gentle tug.

Oliver finally gave in; not only because he was oversexed, but because he realized that all the sexual jokes and riddles led to this.

The Quidditch captain leaned back against George, resting on the tall boy's body as he nibbled on his ear, licked the nape of his neck, and fondled his rump. Oliver's hair stood on end as a cold shiver rippled his spine and he gasped into Fred's mouth, who was kissing his lips in an uncoordinated pattern, drooling and pushing his tongue inside.

Oliver Wood moaned again, louder against Fred's mouth, when George wedged his thumbs between his buttcheeks to split them apart and expose his pucker. Then he groaned wantonly when George pushed the head of his penis inside and his first impulse was to ram himself against his middle, squeezing George's length deeper into his tightness.

-"Whoa, easy,"- George spoke into his ear, -"Eager, aren't we?"

Fred sniggered, ravishing Oliver's mouth inside and out, -"He wants more, don't you reckon, George?"

-"I think so too, Fred."

-"Then let's give it to him."- Said Fred, clutching a fist on Oliver's dark hair to push his head down, down, down until Oliver was on his knees, face to face with Fred's erection.

Surprisingly, he was pushed around without resistance. Even with their jokes and overall carefree attitude, Oliver trusted the Weasly twins. He willingly opened his mouth for Fred's cock and pushed his lower half back onto George's; he allowed Fred to freely jerk his head back and forth, thrusting his dick in and out, and he allowed George to grip his hips to shove himself inside.

Oliver winced and hissed as George's shaft jammed inside his otherwise virgin, tight hole. He unintentionaly bit on Fred's cock, but the prankster didn't seem to mind. The penetration was painful, but once George hilted, Oliver's mind went numb and his knees trembled with anticipation.

The twins started thrusting slowly and gently, stroking Oliver's hair and hipbones, who tried to move to their pace while giving Fred a blowjob, wrapping his tongue around his girth to suck on the head oozing pre-come. Oliver licked it; it was tasteless, but not disgusting, and while George's lenght in his backdoor made him feel full and satiated, Fred's cock was feeding him with his seed.

Then Oliver gasped, mouth full of cock, when a mind numbing pleasure broke out through his body. George had barely touched something very sensitive in there.

-"You liked that, didn't you, Oli?"- George slurred, bending to speak at his ear.

Oliver could only nod and push back, begging and urging for George to do it again.

-"Shall we rough it up, Fred?"- George asked, giving Oliver's cheeks a playful slap, -"He's _begging_ for it."

-"Lets."

Rough it they did, fucking Oliver from both ends; Fred his mouth, with a vice-like grip on his hair and often choking him, and George his rear, bashing his phallus relentlessly and hitting Oliver's sweet-spot, as requested. Along with that, George took it upon himself to stroke Oliver's own dick.

-"Feels brilliant, huh Oli?"- Fred asked, never ceasing his onslaught on Oliver's mouth.

-"You should know: you feel frickin' good inside too."- George added, muttering under his breath as he shagged Oliver with more vehemence, and the force he used pushed Fred's cock deeper in Oliver's mouth, causing him to gag and cough, but not stop from sucking Fred dry of his juice.

It was very confusing, being owned on every orifice, but it was heavenly. So satisfying. There was pleasure on every part of his body. Oliver couldn't think; there was nothing but bliss in his mind. There was only the cock in his mouth and the other one in his anus. Their bodies were sweating and burning with eroticism, teeming the room with obscene pants, moans and groans. It was wonderful, fantastic, and Oliver didn't want it to end—

He griped, his body jolting violently with powerful waves of pleasure as he came hard on George's hand, spilling his seed on the tiles beneath him. Then Oliver exhaled, sagging against Fred's midriff as the last of his orgasm faded to low vibrations.

-"Oi, we're not done."- George huffed.

-"Give the man a break, George,"- Said Fred, stroking Oliver behind the ear, -"It was his firstie."

-"Oh, right."- George snickered.

Oliver growled, furrowing his brow before resuming his blowjob on Fred. He hitched his rump, climbing on his all-fours and gripping his own cock to give it a few strokes.

-"Look, George,"- Fred sighed at the sensation of Oliver's tongue on his shaft, patting his head amicably, -"He's ready to keep going."

-"Oli, Oli,"- George drawled, giving Oliver's rear another slap, -"Always so diligent."

They re-started their thrusting, and once again, Oliver was being indulged in every part of his body. He was lost on a dense bubble of euphoria, where sense of time and place were absent, and he didn't realized that Fred had come until his molten seed gushed out the slit of his penis and down Oliver's gullet, who gagged and retched but tried his hardest to drag Fred's orgasm.

-"Wickeeeeeeed."- Fred moaned aloud, tossing his head back and arching forward, shoving himself inside Oliver's mouth one last time, and tightening the grip on his hair to make sure he wouldn't pull back and that he gulped every drop of his essence.

-"My turn,"- George panted, his grinding erratic and harsh as he neared his climax, -"Coming!"

Oliver moaned and purred to the sensation of George's hot goo flooding his tunnel, warming his sensitive walls and causing him to explode into a third orgasm. Then Oliver's body fell, flattening on the floor, exhausted and spent. He was lifted by four hands quickly.

-"See?"- Fred spoke, mouthing Oliver's ear.

-"Told you you'd love it."- Said George next, nuzzling and kissing the skin of Oliver's neck from the other side.

-"Now that you know you really, _really_ , like dicks better,"- Fred whispered hotly in his ear, -"What're you going to do?"

Oliver still couldn't think properly, but he knew one thing: he was definitely queer and he silently thanked the twins for showing him.

-"Does a third round sound good?"- Oliver spoke, his voice raspy as he looked at the twins with hazy and heavy lidded eyes.

Fred and George looked at each other before shooting Oliver their trademark smirk.

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 **i enjoyed writing this too much**


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